It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
