barbara walters just said penis...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
