you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
