Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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