just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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