I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
