I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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