I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
