So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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