just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
