Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
