Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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