I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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