She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
