dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
