i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
