im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
