p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
