I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
