Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
