"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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