somebody snuck up and got me drunk
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
