No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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