She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
