Having a random hookup so left but love u
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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