this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
