There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
