I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
