I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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