Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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