i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
