I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
