No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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