just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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