I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
