i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We got so high we made milksteak
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
