Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
