I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
