Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
