After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
