she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
