as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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