So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Ketchup is God's man juice
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
