I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
