Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize