I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
