Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
