i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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