Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
