I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
