i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
