I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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