i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
