oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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