Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
