Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
