well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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