I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
