Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I love you. Go after that dick
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
