oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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