I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
