What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
