my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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