you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
