I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
