I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
handjob tips. give me some.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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