Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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