ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
