if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
