Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
