I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
