so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The uberlube is also flammable
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
