meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
