i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
