She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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