Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
