my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
