Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize