i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
