there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
