Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
