Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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