hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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