no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
