just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
