Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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